10-1-08

9 Months!

Heard something today, which I've probably heard a thousand times before, but... Seems like my head's in the right place now to take it in- The Serenity Prayer- Is about you, me and God...

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things which I cannot change..." That's you.
"... The courage to change the things I can..." All I can change is me.
"...and the wisdom to know the difference..." depends on my connection with God.

That's brilliant!!! Jimmy B.- Ya gotta love him-

In addition, I picked up my 9 month chip at Lunch With Bill this afternoon and was amazed with JJ's performance... This man grates me... badly... I've only had to call my sponsor after two meetings, but he's been at the root both times. Today, maybe it was me, maybe it was him... I don't know... But he gave the most honest and heartfelt share I've ever heard from him. He spoke about self-deception and how in played out when his son died... And when a newcomer forgot to introduce herself, HE DID NOT REPRIMAND HER!!!! Amen... ;) Today has been a 'Pink Cloud Revisited" kind of a day...

Good stuff... ;)

7-1

6 Months-

• I do plan on picking up my 6th month chip tonight... Upon further reflection an discussion, 'the dessert incident' is about intent. I knew what I was ordering, but my intent was to eat dessert. When I realized that my intent was changing, and that this was a potentially dangerous situation, I stopped.

• Am on summer break and have set up a schedule for myself to minimize down-time, which has been problematic in the past. I'm giving myself a lot of flexibility in parts... but looks something like:

• 7-8 wake, walk dog, breakfast.
• Depending on time, morning meeting then coffee shop, or off to coffee shop.
• ?-11ish- coffee, blog, step-work, web surf (sans porn)...
• bring lunch to townhouse, eat
• 12:? -2- work on cleaning out townhouse
• 2-4 free time (pool, T.V., more web surf... with porn...)
• afternoon- gym, nap, band practice... day dependent..
• Celebrated my 6th month with my first early bird meeting. Good stuff, and packed.
• Topic: sponsors...
• side bar: two old-timers brought up the damned last name thing again. Not sure why that's such an issue for them, but the more they talk about it, the less I want to bring my last name into things. Battle of the control freaks I guess....
• My share: When I'm purposefully not doing what my sponsor suggests I'm doing a few things-
• Trying to gain a sense of control.
• Distancing myself from God.
• Trying to pick up an excuse to get drunk.

Overall- Good day. Excited about helping to chair tonight.

6-30

Been out of town for a bit and fallen behind on stuff... Update:

Did not attend a meeting while gone- Should have... Will save you the excuses...

Came home still sober- although, after a comment from someone last night at a f2f, wondering if I can still pick up my 6 month chip tomorrow. I think I can, but want to do so with a clean conscience. So, here's what happened:

• Went to dinner with friends- They were drinking, of course... Me and the boif were not- Trully, traveling dehydrates me so badly, I was savoring my water... Was feeling a bit isoltaed and craving a drink, but no biggy... Ordered a dessert "Rum baba" which I expected to be like the rum cakes of my youth- my mom would get them for me at Christmas. Rum taste, but nowhere near intoxicating or 'dangerous.' Well, this dessert came, looked to be a pastry/ cake with some type of syrup and whipped cream. I took a bite and realized this was simple sponge cake sitting in pure rum... I felt silly for having ordered it, and didn't want to make a stink (lose face) in front of my drinking friends- So I took a second bite, from the top- not soaking in rum... But this part was also soaked through. I felt guilty, and realized this dessert had taken a turn... I put my fork down and didn't have any more. So- slip or no? Relapse or no? I'm feeling n0- My intent was to have dessert... And once I realized that this had changed to something else, I promptly stopped. No intoxication- No intent of escape, etc... But maybe I'm just rationalizing, cause I deperately do not want to lose my 6 months over a lousy dessert... But... Will be running this by some folks before I get my chip tomorrow night...

Anyway- Got to a meeting last night and saw a friend pick up his first chip. Yay!!! Have been praying for him...