10-12-08

Amends-

Off to do my Amends to mom... Tried to do one with JVJ Friday, but she blocked me... Maybe she doesn't want to bring up the past... Maybe I just need to talk with my mom first... Dunno...

Nervous- So Thought I'd read, reflect and pray befoe I go...

• Amend: change for the better, to become free from faults; imlies action (different from apology in that I am not just saying I'm sorry for past actions, but am working to change to prevent from repeating mistakes.)
• Promised at the beginning of all this to go to any lengths to work my program and stay sober... Putting this off is playing on my sobriety, I can see...
• Specific to my amends to my mom (and probably as true for all of them), it seems to make sense to me that anxiety and fear were there for the behavior I'm working to fix, and thus it makes sense that they would be present as I clean it up... I cannot free myself from the fault without freeing myslef from the causes of the fault... to a degree...
• "Relieve me of the bondage of self." If could do this my way, I'd choose to make all of my amends living amends... That's not a choice... I need to step aside and let God step in... My best thinking got me here...
• "Faith without works is dead."
  
• Remain calm, frank and open and I will be gratified with the result...
• I ask God, "that I be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be." I must not shrink at anything...
• If we are painstaking about this phase of our development we will be amazed before we are half way through. Painstaking.
  

10-1-08

9 Months!

Heard something today, which I've probably heard a thousand times before, but... Seems like my head's in the right place now to take it in- The Serenity Prayer- Is about you, me and God...

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things which I cannot change..." That's you.
"... The courage to change the things I can..." All I can change is me.
"...and the wisdom to know the difference..." depends on my connection with God.

That's brilliant!!! Jimmy B.- Ya gotta love him-

In addition, I picked up my 9 month chip at Lunch With Bill this afternoon and was amazed with JJ's performance... This man grates me... badly... I've only had to call my sponsor after two meetings, but he's been at the root both times. Today, maybe it was me, maybe it was him... I don't know... But he gave the most honest and heartfelt share I've ever heard from him. He spoke about self-deception and how in played out when his son died... And when a newcomer forgot to introduce herself, HE DID NOT REPRIMAND HER!!!! Amen... ;) Today has been a 'Pink Cloud Revisited" kind of a day...

Good stuff... ;)