My Last Drunk

January 31st, 2007

The boif and I met a couple friends at their house. I had a couple glasses of wine and we headed to another friend's New Year's Eve party. This party is an annual event: beautiful house, amazing decor, full bar, buffet... Very "A" list and one I've enjoyed, and looked forward to, very much.

Much of the night was spent around the buffet and in the kitchen... Socializing, gossiping about the other guests, as they gossiped about us... The four of us spent most of he time talking to each other, and two of us drank... and drank... and drank... The night gets hazier as it goes on... I do recall being accused of pouring liquor in my friend's wine glass... Which I didn't think I did... I now wonder if I was doing this to both of our glasses. I also remember getting irritated that someone was drinking my wine (surely I hadn't drank it all myself) and had to steal others'. I then remember someone starting the countdown to midnight... I won't get into this in detail, but the boif and I have been through an awful lot to get to the point where we could kiss in front of others, and it only happens on New Year's... So it was something I was looking forward to, very much... I remember counting down to thirteen... Then I was waking up on the couch with the boif asking me if I'd thrown up in the bathroom sink upstairs... I had, and vaguely remember it... I'd been drinking red wine all night... and apparently eating red food... I know because I was finding fragments of it around the sink for days...

I spent the next day laying on the couch, taking vicodin tabs to take the edge off my amazing headache. I felt humiliated, out of control, anxious, ill and thoroughly emotionally sick. I texted my two friends to find that they were having a similar conversation at their home. I remember feeling that something was different... That I was done... That my only point of comfort was that I would stop. There was no question and no second guessing this decision. There was remorse, and sadness, like deciding to break-up with someone.. but that small still voice telling me it would be okay, if I made this decision. I white knuckled it past the thirty day point, then found myself in an AA room. I've been there for about 120 days.