The Gardener

I know stress is tied to my sobriety and as such try my best to avoid it... One of the biggest stressors for me is my job... without going into too much detail, I teach teachers to work with difficult kids... In some ways, I am paid to be a control freak... I have to supervise assistants, supervise suggestions I've given to teachers, and look closely at how to change behaviors of the kids they work with.... I am trying my damndest to back off of being a controlling bastard, and feel that I've made some progress in this area... I also know, though, that I cannot back off too much in my profession, hence the stress...

Anyway, here is something that someone in the www.aaonline.net mentioned to me...

"...in a people business it's so much like gardening; we cultivate and give room for roots to grow... we prop them up so they don't fall over as they experience root expansion..."

So, maybe I need to look at my role more as a gardener than a dictator...

High bottom...

As a gay man... this makes me giggle...

Why I don't drink...

The sponsor gave me some homework- Make a list of reasons I don't drink anymore. I did it, and now I have to redo it:

• one DUI = no job
• the night I told J I was in love with her...
• blackouts (new years was the last drunk... I don't remember it.)
• At the beach, and other times, I had meaningful conversations with close friends and I don't remember a thing I said.
• I was going to work, but only physically. Too many days I just made it through, hungover and miserable.
• I was stunted... emotionally and spiritually...
• lots of "not yets" that I cannot hit- jail, loss of job, etc...
• my memory was sucking, even when I wasn't drinking...
• drinking is not a hobby- there are better ways to spend my time.
• I was powerless- sometimes one rink was plenty, more often ten was not enough...
• the last time I played live drunk sucked... I screwed up, sounded like shit... blew it...
• I lied and cheated.... I don't remember stealing, but... anything's possible. I did not have the integrity I thought I had.
• Drinking had expanded into drugs as well, and I hadn't even realized it...
• there's got o be more to do on saturdays then laying on the couch taking vicodin...
  
• I want to experience and remember life...